A year ago this week, we found out Arpana was murdered. Her death remains unsolved. We mourn her still.
My mom's digestion issues manifested themselves into a gall bladder removal and swollen bile duct. My soon-to-be 46 year old sister tried getting pregnant by various methods. She was implaned just last week with blastocysts from her husband's sperm and an egg donated by a 22 year old. Who knew my sister had any unconventionality in her?
My brother regrets his move to New Jersey's hinterlands where he bought a house, having finally moved out from my mother's house at age 45. My partner's father's partner (yes, my partner's father was straight then gay which overall made him bisexual) was depressed and weepy until he discovered lexapro and xanax, those miraculous happy pills. Now, he is just whiny. My partner dutifully calls him every morning and every night. Bless her patience with him.
My kids are 7 and in second grade. My daughter just wrote her first type-written report on our trip to Barcelona. My son's ADHD (which my daughter calls "a-had") is under control. He has an easier time at school and can often do homework without protesting. My son believes in Santa Claus; my daughter pretends. He's getting a Sony PSP from me; she's getting a computer from Santa. The PSP is mine; there is no need to buy a new one. He'll be thrilled with it. Computer from Santa: why not? It's our last year for Santa.
My partner works less. Complains about money more. My son complains my partner is still not home enough. My daughter passes the time reading, making books and drawing. My son builds, invents, draws and complains he is bored.
My partner turned 48. It is very strange to be almost 50. This upcoming year will be our 15th one together. The length of our relationship has already passed the length of my parents' active marriage. My partner is sad in a melancholy way. She says it is deep within. Perhaps. I contend it could be the waning of the light. I don't know.
All in all. I mark my / our passing in small ways. My kids are taller. More self-sufficient daily. Moving toward their eventual independence. It saddens me but compels me to savor, savor the present. I see more and more lines in my face. My hair is mostly white, less salt-and-pepper with each haircut.
And now. Still. I am grateful. Thankful. Pleased with what I have. Appreciative. Daily, I am awed. I thank God. Give thanks. And wish peace. Only peace for us all.
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