I've done better than I ever thought I would

What I can say is: I am now almost half a century old. The half-century mark happens next year. I can't say what the next year will bring; of course, no one can. What I can say is, that I have done better with my life than I ever thought I would.

I am in a 16-year relationship with someone I love immensely. Not everyone has that. My parents may never have divorced, but they split up when I was 14, after about 18 years of marriage. They spent whole years never speaking to each other. My family was split up after our family house burned down. My mom just never moved back in and my siblings and I lived with my father for many unpleasant years. I told myself that if I were ever in a relationship, it was going to last and we were going to communicate. I have a long-term relationship and we communicate.

I always wanted children even when I was a child. When I came out, having kids was less of a possibility than it is now. In fact, it was my mother's biggest lamentation when I came out to her. When we were trying to get pregnant, I wanted biological children and eventually, mourned never procreating myself; but I would not trade the kids I have for anything. I am glad I have the kids I have because I love them and they are mine. I cannot imagine not having them. Every year with them is better than the previous year and every year with them is better than the years without them.

My father lost his job when I was twelve and he remained unemployed or underemployed until I was about 19. At some point, we nearly lost the family house. My father took my scholarship money and collected part of my weekly pay. That's just a statement. He was on welfare for a while. The household needed the money. I did not go to the college I wanted. My father refused to sign off on my financial aid unless I went to the local state college. He threatened to throw me out of the house unless I majored in som thing practical, like business or computer science (my major). Then, he sabotaged my employment as a computer programmer. Details are unnecessary. I say this to say I wound up in a profession where my potential to make money was less, but I like my current job a lot and I am ok financially. Showing up and being straight-laced is sometimes valued.

My partner and I own a house in a nice, safe neighborhood. We are saving for retirement. My kids get to do try many activitities and explore their interests. I get to kickbox and do yoga. I get to garden. We own computers and other electronic gadgets. We take vacations. Most years, more than two but always at least two.

I could not predict, at age 24 and a half (half my life ago), I would have had the life I have. I am a stable, middle-aged member of the yet-still, stable middle-class. Given the instability of my youth, I am surprised and I am grateful for all that I have. I have worked hard for it and still work hard for it but I am surprised and I am grateful. I truly am. I hope the remainder of my life is as rewarding. I will work hard to make it so. Thank You.